Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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