And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
