I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
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im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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