Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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