yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
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Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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