Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He felt like a one man threesome
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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