I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
