why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
