i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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