Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
