At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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