please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
