***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
