I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
