she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize