Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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