why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
