I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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