I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
