I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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