Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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