Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
