"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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