I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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