Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
