I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
