I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love having hate sex.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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