I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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