it was like eating out sand paper
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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