That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
