She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
