Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
