I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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