Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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