Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
