Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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