Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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