my mouth tastes like poor choices
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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