I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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