Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
