I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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