I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
