Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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