Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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