i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
