Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
