Having a random hookup so left but love u
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
