you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
