And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
