Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
