We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
