I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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