and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
