the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
