My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
