I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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