We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
