Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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