puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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