'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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