Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
