Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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