Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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