She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The best revenge is premature balding
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
